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It can be discouraging for a single mother to hear people say that it will be hard for her to find a man - at least until her offspring achieves a level of independence.It’s the kind of thing that other single parents tend to say - or at least the ones who haven’t undertaken to find a new partner after a split. When asked what she wishes her mom would do differently while dating, Rachel, a smart young graduate student, replied, “I wish she would recognize her own impulsivity and emotional rollercoaster.She does and says things without recognizing that to some extent our whole family is dating this guy.and wondering how their relationship with you is being influenced by your relationship with the other. ” “What if John’s kids came over every Friday through the summer? ” Each dialogue is both assessment (How are my kids feeling about these possibilities and realities?In addition, children commonly feel some insecurity by mom or dad’s relationship with another person. ) and intervention as it prepares them for what might happen.Wise singles recognize this important dynamic and don’t assume that becoming a couple necessarily means that they can become a family. Parents who begin dating quickly after the end of a relationship (whether by death or divorce) or who reach a quick decision to marry after a brief dating period often find their children more resistant to the marriage. Smart singles take a good long look in the mirror before dating. Smart single parents don’t let their children’s emotions dictate their dating progress, but they do listen and give serious consideration to how the children are feeling (becoming a couple is up to you; whether you become a family is up to them). Teens and adult children need to move toward your dating partner at their own pace.
You do need to make clear how important a new partner is to you, that you will continue to love your child just as much and that you will continue to spend lots of time with him/her. So, when should you introduce your new love interest to your children?
And everyone has strong emotions and opinions about who is involved and what the outcome might be. Here are a number of dating “best practices” for single parents: 1.
Realize that you’re not just forming a relationship; you’re creating a family.
But the truth is that things really can work out differently - a recent survey suggested that 92% of men would be ready to take on someone else’s children: in fact, they rather like the idea of a ‘readymade’ family.
The survey went on to suggest that 40% of relationships involving a single parent actually result in marriage. Parship psychologist Nicole Schiller feels that single parents are more in need of encouragement and motivation than advice.